ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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