I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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