He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
vagina is talking i cant
I checked into jail on foursquare
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
