yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
