my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
