'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
