I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
