Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
