It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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