I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
