just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
