I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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