question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
