sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
