You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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