I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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