Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
