I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
