You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
