do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
