i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
