i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
