can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
