So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
