Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
MIDGETS
????
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
