I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Floor bacon is actually really good
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