i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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