What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
