hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She even gives head with a lisp.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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