I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
