There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
