It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
