I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
