At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
