I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
