Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
