im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Terrible idea I love it
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
