I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
