I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
