yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
