I want to walk on stilts...naked
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
