You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
