I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
