Moan for me like Helen Keller
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
