Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
What drink are we having for lunch?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
