how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We need to get me chipped asap
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
