ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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