can we get nightvision for the apartment?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
