Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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