Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
