Christians are straight up FREAKS
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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