he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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