Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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