i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
